No Finish Line 

This photo came up in my memories today on Facebook, it’s a painful reminder not that I lost a fight but that I’m a year out from what I love being a fighter. It’s hard to express to people in my life how much this hurts, for me the blogs are my way of facing it. 

Why a year? Why another moment missed? Why I feel empty inside, just going from day to day with really no direction. No Finish Line!  

It’s hard to explain but you become a fighter to really understand living but you need the finish line as well. It helps you feel the achievement, you need an opponent to drive you to train hard every day for whatever time it takes to make it to the night when your moment comes. The Cage it always gives you honesty at the end. It’s screams in every round you are alive! I feel dead inside some days, that the fighter is gone. 

Right now my opponent is my injury, an updated MRI after my back surgery still shows some more work to be done before I can load it to take the hits in training. It was hard news to take from my surgeon. It’s not all coming together the way I thought. I did think I’d be back fighting by now, getting ready to fix my mistakes of the previous fights and feel the fighter in me again. 

I’m sad and lonely in myself this year and certain moments it hits me when I either choose to sit on my ass have a cry or block it and carry on with the day. 

Usually I carry on with the day, but still the piece of being a fighter is missing. I love teaching my students and if I didn’t have that, then I’d have given up along time ago. They depend on me to always be the strong one but I need someone to help me now. 

People who inspired me and helped coach me have moved on, I don’t have that support network anymore they have other things in life now which makes them happy. 

No matter how many friends I have and as great as they are with words of drive it’s different when you get the talk from one who’s done it. The fighter that came back and gave everything to be the best. That person who shows you the way, that believes in you. That kicks you harder than any motivational quote! I’m really missing that part in my coaching. 

My main coach Dermot still is by me but even he finds in hard some days as we have no Finish Line maybe not even a start line for now! 

What can I say Alphaforce pretend that things are great, that I’m made of steel and don’t feel! Bullshit! As that stuff isn’t really in life, we all need a challenge to prove we are made of an undying passion for something in our lives. Mine is fighting! I’m meant to be it, I’m meant to drive to the Finish Line. I swear to my Alphaforce I’m not stopping, none of this retirment crap either. I’m done when I say I’m done. Just need to find another way and I will, I always do. The one thing none of the surgeries did over the years was kill my passion. That’s untouchable because I guard it with my heart! 

Today I’m just updating my Alphaforce and being honest. I want people to always read my blogs, see it’s ok to not have everything going right and maybe have no answer for that problem at that time. What’s not ok is letting it defeat you! I’m not done, just need to search a bit harder inside myself on the tough days. Oh and keep doing the Physio, tons of Physio, always Physio!!! 

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5 Comments

  1. I don’t know you, or anything about you, but I saw your tweet today and a link to your blog and I read this one, I concluded that you have a martial arts club and u were injured in a fight, and you are recovering from it, but I can tell you that your words are powerful and deep, they are inspiring ” I’m done when I say I’m done” only a strong willed person says it, you are not made of steel of course, but I realized lately that being brave and strong has nothing to do with physics at all, and he who inspires others is not the one who has the bigger biceps or the fastest kick, the one who inspires others is the one who stands for what he believes in no matter what the cost will be or what the circumstances are, because he believes in something and willing to fight for it. Your situation will not last forever, nothing does, sorrow goes, pain goes, happiness goes, everything is temporary, it’s only how we adapt to tolerate it until it passes.
    All the best to you and I wish you recover at the soonest and resume what you have your heart set to.

  2. You going to fight again?


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